Main Event and moving forward

Hello everyone. I have to apologize for this delayed update. The internal cable on my computer which connects to the wall adapter for battery recharging snapped and I have been without a functioning PC until now, using my roommates computer at home back in Lodi.

It's been a week since I played the Main Event. Unfortunately, I busted from the Main Event on the very last level of the 2nd day of play. I won't cover the tournament details in as much detail as some of the past ones, because I think it's more important to discuss where we go from here. For a quick recap, on day 1 I played very well. I had a great table draw and an aggressive image. Stacks started at 30k and I found myself at 20k after the first 3 hours, gambling somewhat but mostly trying to play a lot of pots with players which were not very good. I got my stack up to 32k, and then at the 100/200 level, I was able to manipulate an older Italian player into overplaying his AK when I had AA. 1 player limped for 200, the Italian limped for 200, I looked down at AsAc and raised to 1100. Everyone folded to the first limper who called 1100, the Italian guy raised to 5100. In an attempt to look like I'm bluffing, I "clicked it back," a very small raise designed to look like I'm leaving myself room to fold when in fact I'm trying to induce another raise from this player who is representing extreme strength with his limp and reraise. I raised to 8400 total, almost the minimum amount to reraise. He put me allin for 32k total and I called right away. AA vs AK is as close to a lock as it gets in poker and my hand held up and I scooped the 65k pot. Towards the end of the night, I lost a large pot of 42k+. Another player and I were Allin on the turn, board A972, I had 99, he had 68. The river was a T and he won the monster pot. This was slightly disheartening at the time, but I was fortunate enough to have chips to afford the badbeat and move on. There was a point in the last level of Day 1 where I was experiencing some negativity due to this beat plus 2 other river cards which cost me decent pots. My stack was down to 17k and I literally walked away from the table for 10 minutes in an effort to regroup, convince myself that I couldn't win the tournament on day 1, and that I should go back play my best and come back on Tuesday(day 2) stronger mentally and ready to rock.

Day was full of ups and downs. I played very well til the last hand of the night. With 15 minutes left in day 2 I was dealt TT in the sb, with an initial raise from under the gun and 1 caller. I had about 80k in chips and elected to just call the raise which was to 2500. The bb called as well. Flop 8s7d5s, I checked as well as the other 3 players. The turn was 7h. I think I have the best hand often here and bet 5000. The bb folded, and the under the gun preflop raiser raised to 14500. The 4th player folded and it was back to me. I called, creating aa pot of about 40k and leaving me 58k behind. The other player had me outchipped. The river was the 2c. I checked and the aggressive Russian player grabbed a stack of 5k chips, enough to put me allin, and he placed them in the middle. After over 5 minutes of deliberation, I made the call only to see him turn over Ad7d. In evaluating the hand, there are many good reasons for me folding there, and there are many good reasons for me to call. I don't want to go into too much detail about all of them. What I want to talk about is tendencies. Personal tendencies. If I fold the TT there. I come back on day 3 of the tournament with about 58k in chips, which would be about 36bb's with the blinds at 800/1600. This stack would give me enough room to play and give myself a chance at making day 4 which is when the money bubble bursts. The TT hand is obviously a very narrow spot. By narrow, I mean that the edge in making this call is very small at best. It should be an easy fold, especially for tournament life. Why didn't I fold? This comes down to my character and tendencies. Everyone has an ego. What matters is how you handle your ego, express it, and ultimately suppress it. I've learned that the ego only gets your feelings hurt and gets you in fights. In this instance, after stepping back and looking at this hand from a distance, I know that my poker ego got the best of me in this spot. I didn't want to be bluffed. I didn't want to be outplayed. I didn't want fold the hand. I think I called, not because it was the best play, but because I didn't want that player to get the best of me in the event he was bluffing, and in turn, he got the best of me. Tendencies. Historically in the game of poker, I've made this same error many times. I've made it in big cash games towards the end of a long session when I may be tired and not as strong mentally as I was when the game started. I have a desire to be the best player, and with that desire comes the ego. The ego wants to win every hand. The ego doesn't want to be outdone. The ego holds you back from true success. In every war, a great general knows when to retreat and wait for a better position. It's not about winning every battle, it's about winning most of the important ones and slowly leaning on your beaten opponent until they crumble or throw in the towel. In the last 4 years, I have recognized that I do have an ego, it does hold me back, and I have to suppress it in order to reach my full potential as a poker player, a friend, a business partner, a brother, a son, and as a man. I have made great strides in the right direction, and I can say that I have become better at all of these roles because of those strides. But....I allowed it to get the best of me here, once again, in this spot. And it busted me from the most important tournament of the year and the biggest tournament I had ever played in in my life.
Part of growing up in life is recognizing our strengths and weaknesses. Utilizing our strengths to help us improve our weaknesses. Ultimately, becoming better at every role we play in life. I know that I have an ego. I know it holds me back. So my goal will always be to recognize these scenarios where it pops up, think through the correct course of action, and then suppress it. Everyone has an ego. Since we know the ego holds us back, the challenge is to not repeat the same mistakes over and over. I challenge all of you to look at yourselves from afar and think of times when yours has held you back, caused you to lose a friend, get in a fight, make a bad decision. Recognize these situations and vow to improve as a person each day. With the small adjustment, so many doors open. It's a never ending battle, but it can and will be won.

This WSOP was bitter sweet for me. I honestly felt that I played amazing poker, almost world class. I played well enough to put myself in a position to get lucky peaking at a 32nd place finish in a field of 1600+ when the 1st place prize was 690k. I took many badbeats and overcame them mentally. It's bittersweet because I did all this and then allowed an old mistake to bite me at the end and bust me from the main event. Walking away from that table hurt. I knew that at that moment, I chose to repeat a mistake. Not repeating mistakes by choice is one of the main points in my personal mission statement, and I did it. Yes it was a tough hand, a tough spot, but I'm better than that hand, and I'm better than that decision. I have learned from this though and will move on knowing that I deserve to play at that level and will again, very soon.

Just to let everyone know, I will be changing the title of this blog, but I will continue to write weekly or bi-weekly about poker and life lessons learned from it. I've found great enjoyment in writing and sharing it with you all. So please check periodically. Moving forward, this year I am feeling massive momentum in my poker game. I am going to be playing more hours and  putting myself in more tournaments. You can't win unless you play and I see no reason why I should wait another year to get back at it. So, I'll be playing every event I feasibly can whether it's in LA, LV, San Jose, Reno, or anywhere else. Things get toughest right before you're about to make it. I don't think it can get any tougher, so I must be right there.

I love you all, take care.

"Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit." - Conrad Hilton